Chapter 4 - A ROOM WITH NO PROMISES
I drove back to St. Vincent with the ultrasound on the passenger seat.
I did not understand it.
I only understood the date.
Sophie had been pregnant.
Again.
My third child.
I parked badly.
I ran inside.
The oncology nurse stopped me.
“You can’t go back there.”
“I need to see Sophie Parker.”
“She has requested—”
“Please.”
Something in my face changed her answer.
She disappeared behind the doors.
Ten minutes later, Sophie came out.
She was furious.
“You went to your mother.”
“Yes.”
Her face went white.
“She gave you the letter.”
“Yes.”
Sophie sat down.
I sat beside her, leaving space between us.
“What happened?”
She pressed her lips together.
“I was pregnant.”
“I know.”
“I found out the same week they found the mass.”
My breathing slowed.
The hallway noise seemed far away.
“Was it…”
I could not finish.
She did.
“Viable?”
I nodded.
“For a little while.”
I stared at my hands.
“How long?”
“Ten weeks.”
“And then?”
Her eyes filled.
“I lost the baby after the biopsy.”
I closed my eyes.
“No.”
“I was already bleeding when I called you.”
Four calls.
Four deleted messages.
My chest hurt.
“I would have come.”
“I know.”
“Then why didn’t you keep calling?”
She laughed without humor.
“I did keep calling.”
I looked at her.
“Not you.”
She stared at the wall.
“I called the hospital.”
A tear slipped down her cheek.
“I called your mother.”
“I called a taxi.”
“I called everyone except the person I wanted.”
I bent forward, elbows on my knees.
“I’m sorry.”
She wiped her face.
“Stop saying that like it fixes anything.”
“I know it doesn’t.”
“Then stop.”
So I did.
We sat in silence.
After a while, I asked, “What happens now?”
“With us?”
“With your treatment.”
Her shoulders dropped slightly.
“They want surgery.”
“When?”
“Friday.”
“Who’s taking you?”
She did not answer.
“Sophie.”
“I can take myself.”
“No.”
Her eyes flashed.
“You don’t get to order me.”
“You’re right.”
I swallowed.
“Can I ask instead?”
That made her pause.
“Can I drive you Friday?”
“No promises.”
“Okay.”
“No pretending we’re married again.”
“Okay.”
“No fixing.”
I nodded.
“What am I allowed to do?”
She looked at me for a long time.
“Show up.”
It was the smallest order I had ever received.
May you like
And the hardest.
