Chapter 18 - Arthur’s Letter
Arthur wrote me from prison.
I almost threw it away.
Then opened it.
Eleanor,
You were the only person who ever saw through me before I was ready.
That is why I left you.
Not because I loved Sienna more.
Not because you were difficult.
Because you made me feel observable.
I hated that.
I stared at the word.
Observable.
That was the closest he had ever come to understanding himself.
He continued.
Sienna made me feel admired.
Your father made me feel useful.
Your mother made me feel respectable.
Brooke once made me feel necessary.
You made me feel known.
I confused being known with being controlled.
So I tried to control you first.
I folded the letter.
Not finished.
Arthur admitted the crash.
Not every detail.
Enough.
He said he intended delay.
Not injury.
Then used the injury because opportunity appeared.
No dramatic plea for forgiveness.
At the bottom:
I know you won.
I hope someday you understand I did love you.
That line annoyed me.
So I wrote back.
One page.
Arthur,
You keep using love as if it reduces the weight of what you did.
It doesn’t.
You may have loved me.
You also betrayed me.
Both can be true.
I did not win because you went to prison.
I won when your choices stopped deciding mine.
Eleanor
May you like
I mailed it.
Then never wrote again.
