Chapter 16 - Grace's Version
When Grace turned sixteen, she asked to read the court documents.
I said no.
She became furious.
"They're about my life."
"Some are about mine."
She stopped.
Good.
We negotiated.
She could review parts concerning custody and her own statements with her therapist.
My medical details remained private.
Scott agreed.
That surprised her.
It surprised me too.
At therapy, Grace read the line where the evaluator wrote that she felt responsible for protecting both parents from each other's emotions.
She stared at it.
"I said that?"
Her therapist nodded.
Grace looked at me later.
"I barely remember being like that."
I smiled.
"Good."
She frowned.
"Does that mean it wasn't bad?"
"No. It means you didn't have to keep rehearsing it to prove it happened."
That answer became important to me too.
For years I had replayed the trash can scene whenever Scott behaved well.
As if I needed to refresh evidence to keep my decision valid.
I began letting memory become less vivid.
Not denial.
Rest.
Scott's relationship with Grace improved.
She still challenged him.
One afternoon he told her she was being disrespectful during an argument about curfew.
Grace answered:
"You can say I'm disrespectful. You can't say I'm confused because I disagree."
Scott went silent.
Then said, "You're right."
Grace told me later.
I laughed.
"That's terrifyingly specific."
"Therapy ruined me."
Good.
She chose to spend alternating weekends at Scott's apartment during junior year.
I stopped tracking every detail.
My nervous system objected.
I did it anyway.
At the same time, I began dating.
Not seriously.
Coffee.
Dinner.
One man became irritated when I would not share my live location after three dates.
I ended it.
No debate.
The ease of that decision shocked me.
Years earlier I would have explained for an hour.
Growth sometimes looked like becoming less persuasive.
Then I met David Park, a widowed landscape architect who asked before moving a chair because he knew my abdomen still bothered me after long days.
That almost scared me more than aggression.
Kindness made me suspicious.
I told him.
He said:
"Okay."
No wounded performance.
No promise to prove he was different.
We dated slowly.
Grace approved only because he hated raisins.
Her standards were sophisticated.
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