Chapter 16 - Mom's Apology Wasn't a Question
Mom waited almost a year before giving Ellie the apology she had been rehearsing in therapy.
She did it at the kitchen table.
No birthday.
No anniversary.
No crisis.
"I need to tell you something," she said.
Ellie looked suspicious.
"Am I in trouble?"
The question still appeared sometimes.
Less often.
Mom shook her head.
"No. I am sorry I kept accepting Ryan's explanations instead of asking you. I am sorry I praised him for taking care of injuries he caused. I am sorry I let being tired make his help feel too convenient to question."
Ellie stared at her.
Mom continued.
"You do not have to make me feel better about that."
That line was the one she had practiced hardest.
Ellie picked at a scratch on the table.
"Okay."
Mom nodded.
No request for forgiveness.
No hug demand.
Then Ellie asked:
"Can I have cereal?"
Mom laughed once.
"Yes."
Two months later Ellie hugged her in the grocery store because Mom bought the wrong cereal and they both thought it was funny.
Repair arrived sideways.
Dad's apology came differently.
He took Ellie to the hardware store because she wanted new paint for the bathroom.
The screw holes from the latch were still there.
"You ready to patch them?" he asked.
Ellie looked at the wall samples.
"Yeah."
They picked a ridiculous bright teal.
At home Dad filled the holes.
Ellie sanded badly.
Paint got on the floor.
Nobody cared.
Halfway through she said:
"You really thought I locked myself in?"
Dad stopped painting.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because Ryan told me, and I didn't ask you."
"Were you mad at me?"
"Sometimes I was frustrated because I thought you were doing something you weren't doing."
Ellie considered that.
"That's weird."
"Very."
"Don't do it again."
Dad smiled sadly.
"I won't."
The bathroom became teal.
The latch disappeared under paint and filler.
Not because evidence needed erasing.
Because Ellie decided the room could become something else.
Ryan wrote letters from prison.
The first three went unopened through the family's attorney.
The fourth contained a direct apology to Ellie.
She was not asked to read it.
Years later she might.
Or not.
Being related to someone did not create an obligation to consume their remorse.
The family finally learned that too.
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