Chapter 18 - DAD'S PART

Dad asked to meet at a diner halfway between Denver and Colorado Springs.
He picked a booth in the back.
He was already there when I arrived, turning a paper coffee cup between his hands.
I nearly left when I saw the coffee.
Stupid reaction.
He noticed.
Without saying anything, he moved the cup to the far side of the table.
That tiny gesture hurt more than an apology.
I sat down.
"Britney told me about the gambling."
He nodded.
"She's not wrong."
"How much?"
"At the worst point? Sixty-three thousand."
I stared at him.
"How?"
He looked embarrassed in a way I had never seen.
"It started small. Football. Five dollars. Twenty. Then I won twelve hundred one weekend and thought I understood something."
He laughed once at himself.
"I didn't."
The waitress came over.
Neither of us ordered food.
Dad waited until she left.
"Your mother found out after I took money from the home equity line. She covered it. Then she opened the business because she thought if we could bring in extra money, we'd replace everything before anyone knew."
"And my name?"
He looked down.
"Your credit was better than ours."
Same sentence.
Different mouth.
"Did you forge anything?"
"I signed documents I shouldn't have signed. I never signed your name directly."
"You knew she did."
He nodded.
"Eventually."
"And you let her."
"Yes."
I expected anger to come.
It did not.
I was too tired.
"What's the part Britney doesn't know?"
Dad rubbed the edge of a napkin between his fingers until it tore.
"I started again last year."
I closed my eyes.
"How much?"
"Eight thousand. Maybe nine."
"Maybe?"
"Nine thousand four hundred."
"With what money?"
He looked at me.
I already knew I was not going to like the answer.
"The business card."
My laugh came out flat.
"The card with my guarantee."
"I paid most of it back."
"With what?"
Silence.
"Dad."
"The second mortgage."
I put both hands on the table.
"So Mom used business debt to cover your gambling, then home debt to cover business debt, then Britney tried to open more business debt to cover the home debt."
He winced.
"When you stack it up like that -"
I looked at him.
He stopped.
"Right. Sorry."
We sat quietly.
A family at the next table sang happy birthday to a little boy. The waitress brought him a pancake with whipped cream and a candle.
Dad watched them for a second.
"You know what the worst part is?"
I waited.
"I kept telling myself your mother was the one who lied because she handled the forms."
He folded the torn napkin into smaller and smaller squares.
"But I spent money I didn't have and let her make it disappear. Then I acted confused whenever you asked questions."
He looked up.
"I'm sorry. Not the useful kind. I know that. Just... I'm sorry."
My eyes burned.
I hated that I wanted to comfort him.
I hated even more that I still loved him.
"Are you going to tell Detective Bell?"
Dad swallowed.
"Yes."
"All of it?"
"Yes."
"Even if it hurts you?"
He looked toward the window.
"I think that's the part I've been avoiding for about eight years."
Then he pushed an envelope across the table.
Inside was a cashier's check made out to me for $12,000.
"What is this?"
"My retirement account. I took a distribution."
I stared at him.
"Dad, no."
"It's some of what we owe you."
"Put it back."
"I can't."
"Then don't give it to me. Pay the mortgage."
He shook his head.
"Your mother doesn't know I did this."
I slid the envelope back.
He did not take it.
May you like
"Erin," he said quietly, "I'm leaving her."